Today a friends story about his father triggered a thought. When the twins were little people would ask how they could help. I wasn't very skilled at asking for help then. But over the years I have learned that the greatest help anyone can give me is to just "be" there with me or "be" with my girls. You see most people are in such a hurry they don't take the time to listen, or they listen and try to fix the situation. Most of the time I just want to share my story; the good, the bad and the ugly(usually my heart when I'm not too happy with God). Your advice maybe wonderful but in reality I've probably heard it before and unless you've walked where I am, it can sound kind of condescending. "Let me help this poor person with all her trials" I know that's not what you're thinking, I know this is my perception of the situation, but understand, with special needs kids I've got a whole lot of "experts" giving me advice. I need a friend.
This brings me to my girls. Jessica needs people who can just listen to her too. You see having sister's with a disability, and a father with some health issues and then just being a teenager is tough. She needs adult friends as well as peers that will just let her rant occasionally, without judgement and without trying to "fix" her. Now the twins are a whole different situation. They are generally happy little girls. But what most people, even children struggle with is the fact that they don't talk. That's O.K. talk to them, play with them, be in their life and love them just like they are. We have a friend who gets this. One day he was here at the house. Jessica had a box with various size balls in it, she was using it to learn to juggle. One of the twins picked up one of the balls and wanted to play. This dear man just sat his self down on the floor and played for quite a while. Sometimes he would make up a game, sometimes he would just let her do whatever she wanted. He took the time to figure out her pointing and gesturing and they played. Now I am sure this man had other things to do, but he made the choice to be in my daughters world. He didn't try to make her fit into his, he was there 100% with her.
So what's the best way to help someone who is walking a difficult path? Meeting physical needs is great, don't stop. But if you want to go the extra mile, take the time to just be with them, in their space, on their terms. I know it will help them greatly.
