Today has been a sad day for me. You see the twins are very close to turning 13. And with every birthday comes the question, "what would the twins like for their birthday?" With that question comes the realization that they are still much like they were last year and the year before that and the year before that. Their growth is so much slower than my typically developing child or any other typical child. My sadness is compounded by the realization that they have very few friends and none of them are at the school they attend. You see it is impossible to make friends when you don't talk. Then today we received the reports from some in depth testing that was done with them to see why they are not talking. The cognitive information is nothing we didn't know, but that is our normal. When you see it on paper you realize how un-normal it is. The other issue is the sense of urgency expressed in dealing with their not talking issue, severe social anxiety.
So what do I do when I feel this sadness, I run to my Father God, and I pour my heart out. The situation doesn't change, but my heart is lighter. I still hurt but my God, my Abba, my daddy holds me when I cry. He wipes my tears and gives me strength to go on another day. He takes my burdens and reminds me that He is always with me, always loves me, and wants to hold me close. And that He made my girls just as they are, for a good purpose that I may not yet see, and He loves them more than my human heart can. He's their Abba too. My heart my still struggle, you know we humans don't seem to know how to leave things with God, we keep trying to fix them, to nurse our hurts, to be fearful of the future. But I know that I can run right back to Him and He will be there, to pick me up, dry my tears and be my peace. Thank you God for being my mighty God and being my prince of peace.
